did you get engaged???
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's always time for handjobs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
