we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
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I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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