Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
