woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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