he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
