Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
