the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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