Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
