Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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