in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
