? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think I died a long time ago.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
