If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
