I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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