Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
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Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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