I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
