I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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