He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?