Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
