i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.