My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.