You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.