am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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