Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
