I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
