Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
