everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
