and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
