During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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