i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
