first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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