you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
