and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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