We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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