So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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