Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
