just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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