Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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