i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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