so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
