yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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