I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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