1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
