Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
