When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
