I'm passing your future prison.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
