i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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