Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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