you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
420 ftw
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
