Got a toothbrush?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
