do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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