my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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