i was born a porn star she said
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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