Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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