I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
