Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
