i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
