last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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