this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
