I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im holly from the hills drunk
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Can I color on your dick again?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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