marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
