how can u be prego again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
