I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize