You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
